Quiet Argument System (QAS) Aug14 '03

Michelle and I have arguments, just like any other couple. However, I’m willing to bet that most couples don’t argue the way we do.

We argue over text messages, on our cell phones. Even when we could very easily just call each other, or SEE each other, we prefer to argue over text message. We never officially declared this – we just do it, without even realizing it. I prefer this method because it has many advantages, in ways that affect the people arguing, as well as the people listening.

The first advantage is that it only allows for one person to speak at a time. While I type my message out on my phone, Michelle waits for it, and then she reads what I have to say, and then she begins typing a message out on her phone, while I wait. Each person gets to say what they need, without the other person cutting them off, or not letting them finish what they have to say.

The second advantage is that you don’t SEE the person. All you see is their message. Often times facial expressions, or "evil looks" can speak as loud as words, or as loud as yelling! It can often discourage the other person from making their point at all, because they are too distracted by how the other person appears, which can make them more upset. By not being able to see the facial expressions or body movements of the other person, two people arguing can stick to what’s important – arguing! After all, it’s important to address the issue at hand, and not allow external things to dissuade you from making your point.

The third advantage is the pauses. If anyone has used text messaging on a cell phone, they know as well as I do that typing on a tiny little key pad, with only nine buttons to choose from is quite a challenge. And cell phones these days keep getting smaller. On a computer, it’s more natural to type than on a cell phone, but most people aren’t into "speed typing." My point is there is always a pause, during which the other person is creating his or her message. Whether it’s ten seconds, or two minutes – that pause is definitely a good thing. It allows each person to calm down a bit, take some deep breaths, and concentrate on the main issues of the argument, and not let it go trailing off to a completely different and irrelevant topic.

And the most important advantage is that it benefits others.

Imagine your parents when you were a young child – oh let’s say around 12. Do you remember arguments they had? Do you remember them yelling at each other? If your parents are at least somewhat normal, you should be able to easily remember arguments and yelling. It happens. Nobody is perfect, and in every relationship that is somewhat serious, arguments and disagreement will always be there. It’s a fact of life.

But sometimes, it’s too much for a young child to hear. Sometimes arguments between parents leaves the children feeling afraid and alone, because the two people they trust the most all of a sudden turn into what seems like crazed monsters – hollering at the top of their lungs. That feeling of health and comfort is all but briefly dismantled.

Wouldn’t it be nice if children never had to hear their parents argue? It would be much healthier and safer for them.

Of course, some people would claim such a scenario would give children a false sense of security, and that children need to hear some arguments, because then they learn that life is not as simple as it seems. I agree, partially. I think children need to learn that arguments and bad times exist, but it depends on the situation.

It couldn’t hurt – let’s just put it that way.

Now, I know what you all are thinking. If two parents obviously live in the same house, what is the point of arguing over a cell phone or computer? It seems a bit absurd, right?

Not so much. These days it’s not uncommon for a household to have more than one computer. And what if both computers were simply networked, and allowed for instant messaging? Or what if both parents had their own cell phone? Well, you’d have a quiet argument system set up!

When a "tiff" arises, each member would just proceed to their respective computer or cell phone, and begin the argument. It saves on ears and stress!

I can’t begin to mention how many arguments have been easily solved by text messages. Michelle and I are a case in point. We argue just like any other couple does, but I like to think we are more productive with our time. We don’t let the little arguments trail on for days. Text messages allow us to focus on the issue, and resolve it!

Categories: Offbeat , Technology

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